Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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