the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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