She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
