I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
