apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
