No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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