she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
