Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
