when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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