sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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