I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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