ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Less talking, more tequila
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
