remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
