I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
