if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
