everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
