Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
