ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
