and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
