Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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