my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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