Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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