I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
