My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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