I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
