Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
