remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
