i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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