Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The air was thick with penises
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
