I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
