How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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