my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
