You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
