just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
