I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
