my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
