She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
