well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i would punch a child for taco bell
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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