I need help removing her.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
