There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
