just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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