Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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