Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
