Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it penis luge time yet?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
