it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
