Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Boobs are out for the taking
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
