i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
