To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
