can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
