i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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