Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
