Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
