Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
