The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
