Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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