i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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