part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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