The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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