Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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