yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
